Reflections on a blog post - 慚愧

You may not be my blood-related cousin, but I love you as much as my own cousins. :) You have grown, grown incredibly much. While we, in our twenties, are rushing around our lives, not noticing all the nitty gritty details of life, you, at a mere age of thirteen, have quietly noted all these and saw through us. Although reading that entry made me feel horribly sick in my stomach, and of course, noticing the date posted made me feel even sicker because I know very well what happened before that, I'm glad that you managed to learn something out of it. It was a night that seriously, I had wished things weren't like that too, but... well. Yes, you have grown and I feel so proud of you.

No time to stop and appreciate, no time to stop and think, no time to stop and feel, touch, smell the fresh air, enjoying the tranquil silence.

I'm glad that I made the choice not to start work. Spending more time at home, just to myself, being able to go out with friends without having to think about work the next day, spending quality time in school which is bound to end in a few months time, taking things slow.

I hate to be in a rush. I hate to be rushed. Perhaps that is why I am willing to give up more money, just to pay for taxis, to buy that extra few minutes that I can spend with my family at home, that extra few minutes that I can spend with my friends whom I hardly see. It's not that I like paying so much or feeling broke all the time or just being mere spoilt and take cab around all the time..I just don't want to rush around and miss out spending a little more time with people who matter to me, and you can never replicate another situation where you have that same feeling and urge, just to spend that extra few minutes because nothing is ever the same a second time.

Like what I read in the post, while rushing, you start to forget that someone who was so special to you. You may feel bad, but you do nothing about it. NO, I am not going to be such a person. Maybe it was because I was the forgotten, so I take even more effort, not to forget people who matter. And, I want them to know. Unlike in the past when I thought that all that matters is what I think in my head, I realize that nothing is something unless you externalize it. I realize that I care whether people know, unlike what I always claim, I can live fully in my head and just convince myself with my dumb thought that it's the thought that matters. No, I have realized, action matters too.

So, I want to let people who matter to me know that I am not going to rush past them. The bigger question possibly comes in at..how do I get people who matter to me, slow down their rush. :(