Evidence of people talking to ibun, and ibun being bullied

我沒有那麼可怕吧

ql (to the Mr something): 她那裡可能回去幫忙。沒有越幫越忙就夠好了。

me: =,=

---

me: 如果是我自己的車，我會載你們的。

ql: 如果是你的車，我連你後面的車都不要坐。

me: =,=

my dad

When my dad boarded the bus one bus stop away from me, he gave me a call:

Dad: You better wake up ah, if not the bus won't stop for u.

Wow, he knows me well man. How he know I like to daydream. Haha, but, I was awake! I mean, why would I be sleeping at a bus stop right.

－－－－

把夢變真 ＝）

找自己

現在的我，

是因為少了一個喜歡的他，

還是因為少了一個習慣的他；

或者兩個都有而雙倍的打擊我空虛的心？

有時候好多感想，感覺，感情。

但一瞬間里，就麻木了。

好奇怪，好奇怪。也開始非常懷疑自己的存在。

有個他在心裡，至少可以為他而活。

少了這個他，怎麼辦？天塌下來了啦。

嗨。更遭的是，哎唷，做了決定的時候，都從沒想過是那麼難delete。像電腦吧，delete key可以刪除不要看到的，但實際上，甚麼都已儲存了，沒那麼容易delete，甚至沒辦法delete.

無聊的我，腦海里都裝滿了沒有答案的無聊問題。

但想想看，如果沒有這些無聊的問題，我生活不是更無聊嗎？

認了吧，這世上只有一個正在外國的笨蛋才懂我，才知道我的心情，才了解我，才能和我分享一切一切。哈哈。

可是，我不能依賴，因為我是我！Life goes on, and moves on。要找到自己的精彩！！

不能無聊了，不能在墮落下去，活在過去！

但現在的我，自己煮instant noodles＋egg, 看著電腦在房間吃，就跟在我搬出去前過的生活一樣阿。=,= 哈哈，但至少，希望自己已不是以前的那個她了，已經比較懂事了。Move, move, MOVEd!! whees.

----

愛過了，才知道我要的愛長甚麼樣。

就算是沒結局的故事，我還是選擇要這段故事。

謝謝你的所給的曾經。

One last really LAZY day!!

Work is starting tomorrow. :(

Sadly, my lazy times are going to end.

Much less time to myself to walk around, taking buses to nowhere, just lazing around, having meals with friends....... the mad rush will just start again.

I guess, at least I can look forward to being the mascot on Wednesday. And interacting with colleagues can fill my soul at least and rid some of the emptiness. Haha.

Seriously, what is the job which suits me? I want a job that makes me feel excited when I go to work, not dreadful!!! I think I really need to open and manage my own cafe/ shop to be happy, and to be doing my own things to sell. At least this thought is always so comforting and nice. :)

And for today, I will just take things slow. Ok I know, when have I not.. Oh well. LAZY SUNDAY, here I come!! :)

我

沒有後悔，

只是會懷疑選擇。

<想念>有時也當了我心中的不速之客。

---

大概，在夢裡也有差不多2375天吧。

回家的路好遠　要如何走進你的心裡面
外面的空氣　再新鮮　也聞不到最熟悉的懷念

回家的路好遠　你的堅決我自己的世界
實現願望的路線　非得要告別好多的從前

時間過了兩千三百七十五天
長長的路還有一千三百多公里遠
那還需要多少加崙清澈的水
才可以平衡過程中的眼淚

飛機來回越過無數次地平線
對於未來的路還是一知半解
文化大熔爐對種族還存有偏見
世界大同的夢想是否只掛在嘴邊

回家的路好遠　地球還是沒有停止轉圈
生命不斷在更變　生活總有看不清楚的盲點

帶我回家　帶我回家　回家

---

In my dream, I saw us. 'Us' living happily together, but was it happily ever after?

棉花糖

第一次看到他們是在台北西門丁。那時對他們的興趣很少。

今天剛看了他們的演出，愛上他們了。哈哈。好可愛，好真實，好positive，很encouraging. 鼓勵聽歌的朋友要記得當時的夢想，要追求當初的夢想。說得很對，沒有任何夢想是比其他的好，因為都是自己的夢，也沒必要做任何比較。

看了好多人對夢想的看法，也不僅想想自己的夢想是甚麼。想想小時候的我，夢想從來都不是關於職業，也沒關於所能擁有的materials。想想看，好像最初的夢想還在耶。最初的夢想就是要peace and love，大家開開心心，我也會開開心心的對簡單的生活滿足。聽起來好像還蠻白癡的，但如果我週圍的人，盡管是朋友，家人或是strangers，臉上都是帶著笑，我也會很開心。只要能幫到別人，或是任何其他的事，能夠看到他們臉上露出笑容，都是值得做的事。難怪朋友曾經說，我的夢想就是幫別人實現他們的夢想。哈哈。

想著想著，今天看了他們的表演，真的感到開心。可惜natalie不在，不能與我分享這些感受...但話說回來，她好像一直都在向她的夢想前進了，不像我，需要reminder到底最初的夢想是甚麼。

討厭自己

原本突然聽到freedom的叫聲，還很興奮。不到一個小時，心情就好down，好空。

自己到底怎麼了，好不喜歡這樣子。我為甚麼在浪費生命。我為甚麼...........好多好多的為甚麼。明明知道答案，又不敢面對，不想面對。縮頭烏龜！受不了的是，要縮頭，就縮阿。幹嘛想縮，又不想縮。

空虛的心，沒辦法不理。空的那silence is deafening了。曾活在delusion中，決定踏出來到reality時，發現自己是個living lie，心裡一無所有。

沒頭沒尾的感想。煩啦。走開。討厭你啦ikarin。

------

好啦，兩個小時後，心情穩定下了，胃痛的藥吃了也好多了。

我知道我不是一無所有的；反而，我甚麼都有。只缺一個很小，很小的。但沒關係，還是要學會珍惜。=)

Move on

放手，放棄，放了吧。

期望 － 刪除。

希望 － 刪除。

害怕 － 刪除。

壓力 － 刪除。

沒有要刪除生命的那一段，只是心要鎖起來，心情更要鎖著。起起落落，好累。

腳踏實地，拜託，往前走。

匿名的好友 - 杨丞琳

Reflections on a blog post - 慚愧

You may not be my blood-related cousin, but I love you as much as my own cousins. :) You have grown, grown incredibly much. While we, in our twenties, are rushing around our lives, not noticing all the nitty gritty details of life, you, at a mere age of thirteen, have quietly noted all these and saw through us. Although reading that entry made me feel horribly sick in my stomach, and of course, noticing the date posted made me feel even sicker because I know very well what happened before that, I'm glad that you managed to learn something out of it. It was a night that seriously, I had wished things weren't like that too, but... well. Yes, you have grown and I feel so proud of you.

No time to stop and appreciate, no time to stop and think, no time to stop and feel, touch, smell the fresh air, enjoying the tranquil silence.

I'm glad that I made the choice not to start work. Spending more time at home, just to myself, being able to go out with friends without having to think about work the next day, spending quality time in school which is bound to end in a few months time, taking things slow.

I hate to be in a rush. I hate to be rushed. Perhaps that is why I am willing to give up more money, just to pay for taxis, to buy that extra few minutes that I can spend with my family at home, that extra few minutes that I can spend with my friends whom I hardly see. It's not that I like paying so much or feeling broke all the time or just being mere spoilt and take cab around all the time..I just don't want to rush around and miss out spending a little more time with people who matter to me, and you can never replicate another situation where you have that same feeling and urge, just to spend that extra few minutes because nothing is ever the same a second time.

Like what I read in the post, while rushing, you start to forget that someone who was so special to you. You may feel bad, but you do nothing about it. NO, I am not going to be such a person. Maybe it was because I was the forgotten, so I take even more effort, not to forget people who matter. And, I want them to know. Unlike in the past when I thought that all that matters is what I think in my head, I realize that nothing is something unless you externalize it. I realize that I care whether people know, unlike what I always claim, I can live fully in my head and just convince myself with my dumb thought that it's the thought that matters. No, I have realized, action matters too.

So, I want to let people who matter to me know that I am not going to rush past them. The bigger question possibly comes in at..how do I get people who matter to me, slow down their rush. :(

WHEE!!

So exciting, more and more friends flying!! =) My dream job man. haha!

And more and more friends can drive!!!! Ahhh, I'm left behind!!!

Everyone's moving forward, time for me to lift my butt off where i'm rooted to. Hmph.

翻開日記

突然想翻開日記，看看去年從香港回來後在新加坡的生活。

認識machii好像一年了。時間過得好快。哈哈。

感謝你們一年里所帶給我生命的彩色，尤其在我最down的時候。想想看，我的最high和最down的時刻s，好像都是你們陪著我的。Yay，希望大家能開開心心的！Words can't really describe how important you guys are to me. Really. =)

有空要玩wii哦！哈哈。

sians.

生活看起來似乎恨充實，

心裡卻是空虛的。

Back in Singapore

Back in Singapore, where it's constantly warm and filled with love from my friends and family. I feel like a princess (ok partly day-dreaming) now, being pampered by my family and friends and soon, will become a big fat lazy pig.

見到你們，感覺很實在，because it's real, not daydreaming, not memories. Feels like yesterday was the start of my new year, not 1 Jan 2010.

Love all of you! :)

my parents :)

Pa's actions are definitely louder than words because he just does things, no words said.

He got me a phone to use till February which is when he will get me my iPhone, because he knows that my current phone is faulty. It's really nice of him. Other than me messing up the phone and was like a total techno noob with this new device. Haha.

Mummy, still the same, increasingly amusing woman =,=

Smsed her last night: I will be home very late tonight ya? Good night!

Her reply: It's going to be morning

Me: =,= *shakes head*

And my friend just told me what my mum once told him when he said very paisei, come to my house and eat so much food during CNY.

My mum: The food also in your stomach already.

Me: =,=

在家

坐在客廳吃粽子，

沒想甚麼。

哥哥，阿嬤和姑姑在談話。

我也沒有在聽。

Everything is just a blur，and the world continues。

突然想起小時候我和阿嬤。

突然，腦筋里又一片空。

最近常常都在回憶里過著日子，但有時，又好像，沒有甚麼回憶。

到底在這個empty shell里，隱藏的是誰，是怎樣的一個人？

在香港的最後一晚

其實等這一天，好像很久了。

剛才看到手機上 display “10 Jan”，突然感到興奮。

但我真的期待這一天嗎？

自己真的稿不清楚。嗨。

相信在飛機上時我會很開心，因為最喜歡穿越空間的感覺，沒有固定我在哪一個reality的感覺。

到新加坡時，雖然會很開心可以看到所想念的一切，但失落感又會再一次的打敗我吧。

不想了啦。Enjoy 我剩下的在winter的darkness。多一個小時，天就亮了。

突然，好想時間停留在这里。現在的我，一個人在小房間里，沒有aircon，而是natural cold air。舒服的坐在床上 聽音樂，打字。溫暖。外面的世界還沒醒來，就只有我。

很快的，一切就會結束。

Outside sai wan ho train station

A fallen red stool.
A fallen gas cylinder.

A red shoe.
All in the middle of the road.
Beside, a car with smashed windscreen.
Policemen and police cars.
People gathered to watch.

Round the corner on another street, another group of policeman and police cars. With an ambulance. And many people watching.

自從

曲:王菀之 詞:林夕 編曲:林暐哲,王菀之 製作人:林暐哲

自從看過了漫天蝴蝶 用翅膀開著舞會
我才明白 甚麼叫天花亂墜
自從看過了彩虹交匯 黑雨化成七色眼淚
我才明白 這世界無所謂 美或不美

自從看過了桃紅花蕊 任由外面的花瓣枯萎不挽留

#不說再會 我才懂得愛 玫瑰
自從愛過了誰我的心 像湖水給那蜻蜓輕微一點
就遠走高飛 我就喜歡暖昧#

*自從發現走到哪裡 月亮總是相隨
我才明白 黑夜不可怕 我總會給溫柔包圍
自從我發現 美麗的蝴蝶活不夠一歲
才懂愛情的滋味*

因為看過了桃紅花蕊 任由外面的花瓣枯萎不挽留

Repeat #*

自從第一次失戀 我明白沒有永遠的完美
自從第一次流淚 我才明白最短暫的是傷悲
滿天蝴蝶一樣的飛 雖然活不過一歲
卻成全漫山薔薇

i=,=

When Nat forgot to order milk tea and said "iForgot":

KT: there's iPhone, iPod, but no iForgot.

me: =,=

KT: okok, iForgive.

me: =,=

--------

me: oh has he been mentioning the London trip? because if he has, then I have to start saving up money.

KT: you are really a 敗類.

haha, yea i think so too. i should just drop this idea, instead of still holding on to hopes of going. -,-

and i'm checking air ticket prices now. boo.

Where is my teddy?

曲,詞,編:王菀之 製作人:林暐哲

Hey, have you seen my teddy?
She was handing your picture to me, now my love is gone.
Please, come into my room; spare me tears of sorrow.
Kiss me, just before you go.

Hey, do you know when's winter?
I see black and white and grey colour, now I feel so cold.
Please, tell her to stay away, out of my blurry vision.
Close the door; shut me out from you.

Too much of love for you has brought me to this state of mind.
I'm so confused; you've hurt me deeply.
Leaving me a state of winter, crushing every bit of me.
Poor me...

Without my teddy, now my loneliness has filled me.
Whisper in her ear that I just find her funny, if she knows what I mean.

All my love for you has brought me to this state of mind.
I'm so confused; you've hurt me deeply.
Leaving me a state of winter, crushing every bit of me.
Poor me, but can't you see now I must hate her, hate my teddy?
So I'm here in my room, shedding tears; you've failed me, my teddy.

Leaving me a state of winter, crushing every bit of me.
Poor me...Da...Da Di Da Da Da Da...
She was kissing your lips for me. Teddy, where've you been?

You...and her...

Bubble tea

I have realised that one of the sources of my too frequent gastric discomfort could be bubble tea!!!! Though i so hope that this hypothesis is wrong cos i will die without bubble tea!!! Ahhh...

看來最喜歡的東西往往都是帶給自己痛苦的。哈哈。

月亮事 (國) － by Ivana

曲/詞: 王菀之

誰拖誰的手 編起舞的影子
然後轉個頭 和誰調換位置
沒甚麼理由 沒失望的藉口
多輕易的變走當初唯一的堅持

誰為誰擔憂 日出都沒意思
然後放開手 把時間給停止
不再有以後 不再覺得足夠
勉強的走進孤獨而漫長的現實

不等待 醒過來
一個人裝作享受
別發呆 別悲哀
自己為自己伴奏

不再為自己的故事而難過
根本一早知道有這個結果
不再相信花開一定會結果
記住下次不要犯同樣的錯

不等待 醒過來
一個人裝作享受
別發呆 別悲哀
自己為自己伴奏

不再為自己的故事而難過
根本一早知道有這個結果
不再相信花開一定會結果
記住下次不要犯同樣的錯

不再相信花開一定會結果
放得開 才真明白
你愛的不是我

曾經拖過手 編起舞的影子
然後轉個頭 和她調換位置…

The view outside the window now

I know it's the sea, and possibly Kowloon island across the sea. But it's all covered by a fog now. For a moment, it felt like I'm living up in the clouds when I looked out of the window, or in the flying house like in the cartoon UP, high up in the clouds.

Sometimes it seems exciting that everything's covered by a fog. You know what is in front of you, but the fog may have hidden some new things that you will chance upon only if you stumble upon them. Like life I guess. It's kinda mysterious and scary at the same time, but this is what makes it exciting.

My life is possibly covered by fog now. I can't see clearly in front of me now, but I more or less know what there are laid out in front of me. Let's hope there will be surprises in 2010 to keep my life exciting. If not, it's gonna be sooooooo zzzzzzz. Unknown can actually be fun, although the fog will clear up one day. Actually, I hope not that soon. -random-

It's already 5/1/10!

新的一年，已經第五天了。

也快要回到現實了。多五天就要回到新加坡。是很期待，但也帶了好多其他的心情。

回去就要面對這一個月所逃避的工作。好多，好多。似乎玩的太過火了啦。

新的開始，請你放了我，請我放了我。

我要美好的日子。

多五天！我就能看到屬於我自己的！好想念大家！

2008 - 2009, and 2010 now.

In these 2 years, I lived life.

I travelled, I worked, I played.

I had the best, and the worst experiences ever in my life.

I felt the happiest, and also the lousiest ever.

I lost some, but I gained a lot.

I had some of what may be the biggest changes in my life ever, and I have met some of the greatest people in my life ever.

Seriously, I had a very.. i would say, enriching, very valuable, very insightful and very important 2 years which account largely for the changes in me.

Now dawns 2010, a total unknown I would say.

I stand alone, facing whatever 2010 might bring to me.

I am expecting to graduate in 5 months time, unless I fail a module in the coming semester.

I am expecting that I do not intend to find a job and instead, find some lame excuse for me to slack till my planned trip to Bangkok and commencement.

I am expecting that my anti-social behaviour is not going to lead me to anywhere good...

I am expecting to hide in my comfort zone this year instead of exploring. (but seriously i would hate myself if i really really end up only in my comfort zone)

I am expecting that I will have more downs than ups.

I am expecting that I will not have as many traveling chances anymore, unlike in the past 2 years.

I am expecting that...2010 might not be a good year.

Shit. A bad start. Haha. A bad nosebleeding start already, what's more to expect.

On a more optimistic note, maybe something good in 2010 is that I expect 2010 to teach me what really, is reality. Hmph.

New Year resolution

Get iPod touch out of my hands when I drink, if not I will spam my own facebook and blog.

It's 12.15pm now, and this is gonna be my 5th post in the new year.

2010

Hello 2010. I woke up doing some math in my head. For some reason. Haha.

6 years.

That comes down to 6x365+2 extra days because of leap years=2192 days.

2192 days = 52608 hours = 3156480 minutes = 189388800 sec = approximately 1/3 of my life as of now.

Did 2009 end? Will 2010 be a continuation or a start? hmmm.. -drunk- haha.

--------

2009 wasn't a glamourous end. Haha. And 2010 is a nosebleeding start for me. That's the first thing that happened to be when I woke up.

amazed

Ikarin u nv fail to amaze. This is not the way to start your year. You're lucky that they were all drunk before u. This wasn't the way u wanted things to be.
It's such a cold, cold, cold new year.
Shit.

2010 seems to have just fallen into pieces

Nothing more to add.

Drunk

Does being drunk feels like this? I don't feel warmth. I don't feel anything. I hear laughter in the background, but.. That's in the background only. So what has 2010 brought?? I don't dare to wonder...