命

“小姐，你為甚麼那麼客氣？對男人不用那麼客氣的。”

“小姐，你真的很客氣。如果我的兒子像你那麼客氣就好了。我也不會住在這裡。”

~a visit to a care centre

長大了

阿嬤，

我已經畢業了。

你的小孫女終於大學畢業了。

你的小孫女找到工作了。

還記得小時候你給我錢時，我都會說，長大了，做工了就還你。

我領到第一份薪水了，可是或許現在告訴你，你也不知道我說甚麼，不記得我說甚麼。

阿嬤，我大了啦，你看到了嗎？

我好想念你照顧我。

我只能鎖緊回憶，夢裡看吧。

每天第一件事就是想你

Inception

夢中的夢。

夢中的夢中的夢。

現實到底是甚麼？

是不是只是一場夢？

小時候常懷疑自己的存在。害怕做夢，因為夢的真實感太吓人了。常常想著，我現在在地球的生活，是不是只是一個真正的我活在mars所作的一場六十年長的夢，而死了以後並不是有afterlife而是從這場夢被喚醒。就因為這樣，常常懷疑我，到底是甚麼，到底是真的嗎？

Inception 的概念就是分不清現實和非現實吧。Creating a reality in our dreams to live in, where everything is possible, doesn't that just sound so good? A mere 5 minutes of sleep can give you one hour in your dream to explore.. that just gives you so much more time doesn't it? And seriously, the 2 hour long show just felt like it was a 20 hour long show -- the effect of our brain moving faster and time feels like it's stretched over a longer period?

The many layers of dreams, the many layers of thoughts, the many layers of everything... Well they are all constructed, constructed in this amazing part of us - our brain.

The subconscious is always what I fear, and is always what controls me. In my dreams, I see my subconscious, bringing out my inner fears which I refuse to admit even to myself. In my dreams, I see me. The real me I guess. Memories. Memories trapped within the subconscious. Memories that I hold on so dearly and without letting go, it just traps you within them just as how you are trapping them within you. Memories, beautiful, but can be destructive.

Inception. Deception.

What is real? What is constructed? In this society, we have all been taught to think, taught to assimilate what we are taught, and all these constructs our world.

Ultimately, nothing is real. Everything lives in my mind, everything is formed in my mind, everything is imagined in my mind, and my mind persuades my mind.

My mind is the one that makes me happy, my mind is the one that makes me sad. Thinking about the conscious, feeling the subconscious... Getting in touch with myself - my favourite activity that always makes me lose myself in myself.

Have I been incepted?

真實感

也許一直害怕有答案
也許愛靜靜在風裡打轉
離開釋懷　很短暫又重來
有時候自問自答

我不要困難把我們擠散
我責備自己那麼不勇敢
遺憾沒有到達　擁抱過還是害怕
用力推開你或依然留下

有一束光　那瞬間　是什麼痛的刺眼
你的視線　去諒解　為什麼捨不得熄滅
我逆著光　卻看見

那是淚光　那力量　我不想再去抵擋
面對希望　逆著光　感覺愛存在的地方
一直就在　我身旁

我以為　我能後退　反覆證明
這份愛　有多不對　背對著你如此漆黑
有種疲憊　睜開眼　打開窗
才發現你就是光芒

光芒　你是光芒

I would bet my life like I bet my heart
That you were the one, baby
I've never been so sure of anything before
You're driving my heart crazy

I can't hold out
I can't hold back now
Like i've done before

Darling look at me
I've fallen like a fool for you
Darling can't you see
I'd do anything you want me to

I tell myself I'm in too deep
Then I fall a little farther
Every time you look at me

How do you do that, babe?
Make me feel like I'm the only girl alive for you
I don't know what it is that makes me fall like this
First time in your arms I knew

The way you held me
I knew that this could be
What I've been waiting to find

Darling look at me

I've fallen like a fool for you
Darling can't you see
I'd do anything you want me to

I tell myself I'm gettin in too deep
Then I fall a little farther
Every time you look at me
Every time you look at me

A realization step

歷史重演？

愛，真的需要勇氣。

最想要的，往往從不敢要。

越想要，就越拼命的逃避，閃躲，推開。

Possibilities 總把我吓走。

Impossibilities 總讓我愛上。

越有可能，我越害怕，因為害怕會失去的那一天。所以，在不可能時，我才會勇敢的愛，勇敢的面對自己。

八年前，也這樣。

八年後，我會不會跟上次一樣：沒有後悔，只是遺憾呢？還是，這次會痛苦的後悔呢？